Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Airplane Communications

Not new but still funny!

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers: 

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45  degrees."
TWA  2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long  takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last  aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown  aircraft: "I said I  was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say  this...I've got the little Fokker in sight.."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an  exceedingly long roll out after touching down. 
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a  hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the light and return to the airport." 

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in  Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in  German): "Ground, what  is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in  English): "If you want  an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in  English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak  English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (with a British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!" 

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact  Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern  702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind  Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report  from Eastern 702?" 
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and  yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of  a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while  a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What  a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at  Frankfurt  Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.  So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of  active runway."
Ground:  "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are  going?"
Speedbird  206: "Stand by,  Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206  (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."

While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew  of a US  Air flight departing for Ft.  Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came  nose to nose with a United 727..
An irate female ground  controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: 
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you  going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God!  Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You  stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive  taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I  tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US  Air  2771?"
"Yes,  ma'am," the humbled crew  responded.
Naturally, the ground control  communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US  Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her  current state of mind.. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was  definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and  keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

2010 Trek Gauche

The long awaited bike for lefties, the Trek Gauche.
Trek's Newest Project
The left handed (legged) bike

Coming this fall from Trek, the long awaited left handed....
ah, legged, bike. For all those who have felt discriminated
against because all bikes were righties. Trek will be rolling
out the new Lefty soon. Levi Leftheimer was going to be
riding it on the final stage this year but he broke his wrist
so he will be unable.

Fortunately it was his right wrist ;-)

Available only on eBay!

Thursday, July 09, 2009